var quotes = new Array;
quotes.push("I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it...");
quotes.push("My karma ran over your dogma...");
quotes.push("Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup...");
quotes.push("YOU ARE HERE...");
quotes.push("Time is what keeps everything from happening all at once...");
quotes.push("Forget about World Peace... Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!");
quotes.push("Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else...");
quotes.push("The beatings will continue until employee morale improves...");
quotes.push("It just goes to show: No matter where you go, there you are...");
quotes.push("It's all a pigment of your hallucination...");
quotes.push("Time is fun when you're having flies...");
quotes.push("Why be normal?");
quotes.push("Reality is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there...");
quotes.push("The way to a man's heart is between the fourth and fifth ribs...");
quotes.push("Remember: Once you pull the pin from Mr. Grenade, he is no longer your friend...");
quotes.push("I don't need a new religion. I haven't used up the Old one...");
quotes.push("Support the right to keep and arm bears...");
quotes.push("I'm not nearly as think as you confused I am...");
quotes.push("Oh, no! I turned out just like my mother!");
quotes.push("Better dead than Mundane...");
quotes.push("Red meat isn't bad for you. Fuzzy, green meat is bad for you...");
quotes.push("Cats are children that you don't have to send to college...");
quotes.push("Why suffer from insanity when you can revel in it?");
quotes.push("Come the rapture, can I have your car?");
quotes.push("The circle of life is never ending, just a little bumpy sometimes...");
quotes.push("I used to have a handle on life, but it broke...");
quotes.push("Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women...");
quotes.push("Does killing time damage eternity?");
quotes.push("Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps...");
quotes.push("Entropy isn't what it used to be...");
quotes.push("Rap is to music, what Etch-a-Sketch is to art...");
quotes.push("Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car...");
quotes.push("When in question, when in doubt, run in circles, scream, and shout...");
quotes.push("The Gods Made Us Family - Prozac Made Us Friends...");
quotes.push("Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile...");
quotes.push("What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say...");
quotes.push("When you choose the lesser of two evils, always remember that it is still an evil...");
quotes.push("I know Kung Fu, Karate, and 47 other dangerous words...");
quotes.push("It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats...");
quotes.push("I want patience, and I want it NOW!!!");
quotes.push("Jesus may love you, but everyone else pretty much thinks you're an asshole...");
quotes.push("Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do...");
quotes.push("Not to decide is to decide...");
quotes.push("All men are fools... I married their king.");
quotes.push("Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off...");
quotes.push("A real friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words...");
quotes.push("The box said 'Requires Windows 95, or better'. So I bought a Macintosh...");
quotes.push("Try this... Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for an IQ test...");
quotes.push("This life is a test. It is only a test. If it had been an actual life, you would have received further instructions...");
quotes.push("I always wanted to be somebody, but I now realize I should have been more specific...");
quotes.push("Goodness shouts. Evil whispers...");
quotes.push("A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step...");
quotes.push("The road to success is always under construction...");
quotes.push("Love me or leave me. Hey, where the fuck are you going?");
quotes.push("Never mind what others didn't do. It's what YOU do that counts...");
quotes.push("Reputation is valuable; But character is priceless...");
quotes.push("What's right isn't always popular, what's popular isn't always right...");
quotes.push("May the Gods grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, The good fortune to run into the ones I do, And the eyesight to tell the difference...");
quotes.push("What If the Hokey Pokey Really IS What It's All About???");
quotes.push("Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies...");
quotes.push("It's Been Lovely But I Have To Scream Now...");
quotes.push("My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely...");
quotes.push("Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow...");
quotes.push("Never miss a good chance to shut up...");
quotes.push("The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire...");
quotes.push("The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra...");
quotes.push("Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill...");
quotes.push("The Gods want spiritual fruits, not religious nuts...");
quotes.push("Life could be worse... What if sex was fattening???");
quotes.push("Life isn't weird; it's the people in it...");
quotes.push("I think people tend to forget that trees are living creatures. They're sort of like dogs. Huge, quiet, motionless dogs, with bark instead of fur...");
quotes.push("It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money...");
quotes.push("Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone...");
quotes.push("It's not just the ups and downs that make life difficult; it's the jerks...");
quotes.push("You may laugh because I am different, but I laugh because you're all the same...");
quotes.push("Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong...");
quotes.push("Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "WOW... What a Ride!"");
quotes.push(""Get your cheese off the window." - Things you thought you'd never say, then you had kids...");
quotes.push("Due to intense mind fog, all thoughts have been grounded...");
quotes.push("9 out of 10 people say the 10th person should mellow out...");
quotes.push("I survived the 2000 & 2004 elections and all I got was this lousy president...");
quotes.push("Mean people suck...");
quotes.push("Some people march to a different drummer... and some people polka.");
quotes.push("I always wanted to be somebody, but I now realize I should have been more specific...");
quotes.push("No matter where you go, there you are...");
quotes.push("Inside this fat body there's a skinny person screaming to get out. I ate her...");
quotes.push("This message has been brought to you by the number 5 and the letter F...");
quotes.push("You're born. You grow up. You become your parents. You die...");
quotes.push("You can't win. You can't break even. You can't even quit the game...");
quotes.push("Don't blame me. I'm only doing what my Rice Crispies told me to do...");
quotes.push("Zero to Bitch in 4.0 Seconds...");
quotes.push("Paradise is a lot like where you are now, only much, much better...");
quotes.push("A television may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer...");
quotes.push("Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject...");
quotes.push("The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist...");
quotes.push("It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy...");
quotes.push("Does fuzzy logic tickle???");
quotes.push("Just remember: if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off...");
quotes.push("Time flies like the wind, but fruit flies like bananas...");
quotes.push("Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with...");
quotes.push("Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Politicians are from Uranus...");
quotes.push("Often I ponder the meanings of life, religion, and the scientific theory of space and time and I've come to the conclusion that... Whoa, wait a sec. I just realized how much I like cheese!!!");
quotes.push("How bad you have to go to the bathroom is directly proportional to how far away from a bathroom you are at the time you have to go... ");
quotes.push("If a man speaks in the middle of the forest with no woman around to hear, is he still wrong???");
quotes.push("One of the greatest labor-saving inventions of today is tomorrow...");
quotes.push("Money doesn't always bring happiness. People with ten million dollars are no happier than people with nine million...");
quotes.push("Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...");
quotes.push("I don't think most people know the true value of a kind word. Especially when that kind word is followed by lots & lots of money...");
quotes.push("Things are more like they are right now than they've ever been before...");
quotes.push("Most people are really scared of werewolves but I bet if you saw one crying because the other wolves had made fun of him, you would probably feel sorry for him and try to pet him. That was my first mistake...");
quotes.push("Don't be offended when someone calls you weird. Be glad you are weird. The opposite of weird is normal. People who are normal are like everyone else. So think of weirdness as being unique and you'll be a happier person...");
quotes.push("If you think that an army of frogs could beat an army of cats, you have a lot to learn about war...");
quotes.push("If a mime suffocates in a glass box, in the forest, does it make a sound?");
quotes.push("Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is you're talking to. Then on the way out, slam the door...");
quotes.push("I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, Yahoo!, I'd have all my money back...");
quotes.push("I think people tend to forget that trees are living creatures. They're sort of like dogs. Huge, quiet, motionless dogs, with bark instead of fur...");
quotes.push("Perhaps, if I am very lucky, the feeble efforts of my lifetime will someday be noticed, and maybe, in some small way, they will be acknowledged as the greatest works of genius ever created by Man...");
quotes.push("Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail...");
quotes.push("The difference between a man and a boy is, a boy wants to grow up to be a fireman, but a man wants to grow up to be a giant monster fireman...");
quotes.push("Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk...");
quotes.push("Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind...");
quotes.push("To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad...");
quotes.push("As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!!");
quotes.push("Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling...");
quotes.push("I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver, and since he is so busy you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and give it to him...");
quotes.push("Work like you don't need the money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
and Dance like you do when nobody's watching...");
quotes.push("Take me drunk, I'm home...");
quotes.push("The number of people staring at you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions...");
quotes.push("Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you...");
quotes.push("I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't stick my head that far up my ass...");
quotes.push("I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...");
quotes.push("Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs...");
quotes.push("Age and treachery will beat youth and skill every time...");
quotes.push("Thoughts good! Slogans bad! Thoughts good! Slogans bad!");
quotes.push("This is a test. This is only a test. Had this been a real emergency, you would all be dead by now...");
quotes.push("Great minds think alike, but fools seldom differ...");
quotes.push("To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be...");
quotes.push("The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist...");
quotes.push("I FOUND JESUS!! He's in the trunk of my car... You can see him for five dollars.");
quotes.push("If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars...");
quotes.push("The best index to a person's character is:
a) How he treats people who can't do him any good, and b) How he treats people who can't fight back.");
quotes.push("Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat...");
quotes.push("When in doubt, mumble...");
quotes.push("Answers: $1
Correct answers: $5
Dumb looks: Free!");
quotes.push("It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them...");
quotes.push("If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend...");
quotes.push("We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors ...but they all have to learn to live in the same box.");
quotes.push("Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it...");
quotes.push("Not all fairy tales start with, 'Once upon a time', some start with 'If I am elected'...");
quotes.push("Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they would. The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect that much...");
quotes.push("Always keep a song in your heart... It's like karaoke for the voices in your head...");
quotes.push("Reality is for people who lack imagination...");
quotes.push("Cooking lesson #1: Don't fry bacon in the nude...");
quotes.push("Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it. ");
quotes.push("I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person...");
quotes.push("I'm planning to retire and live off my savings. What I'll do the second day, I have no idea...");
quotes.push("Ok, I pulled the pin... Now what? HEY!!! Where are you going???");
quotes.push("Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense...");
quotes.push("When you think the whole world's against you, remember, some of the smaller countries don't care about you at all...");
quotes.push("If Bill Gates had a nickel for every time Windows crashed... Oh wait! He does!");
quotes.push("When their numbers dwindled from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect Hungry...");
quotes.push("Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories...");
quotes.push("Q: When geese fly in a "V", why is one side longer?
A: Because there are more geese on that side.");
quotes.push("Some days I can't be sure if life is passing me by or running me over...");
quotes.push("Better a bleeding heart, than no heart at all...");
quotes.push("My fantasy is two men at the same time... One cleaning & one cooking.");
quotes.push("Sticks & stones may break my bones, but whips & chains excite me...");
quotes.push("If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit...");
quotes.push("It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too...");
quotes.push("We should be thankful for the good things we have and, also, for the bad things we don't have...");
quotes.push("Don't bother pressing that key, there is no Esc...");
quotes.push("Create a diversion, I'll run for help...");
quotes.push("Advice to husbands on how to handle marital disputes: Decide if you want to be right or if you want to be happy...");
quotes.push("Diet Tip: A great way to lose weight is to eat naked in front of a mirror. Restaurants will almost always throw you out before you can eat too much...");
quotes.push("I'm not a fatalist... But even if I were, what could I do about it???");
quotes.push("NOTICE: I have not succeeded in solving any of your problems. The answers I have found only serve to raise a whole set of new questions. In some ways, I feel I am as confused as ever, but I believe I am confused on a higher level and about more important things...");
quotes.push("TANSTAAFL (There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch)");
quotes.push("A smile is the lighting system of the face, the cooling system of the head and the heating system of the heart...");
quotes.push("Q: Why is New Mexico so windy?
A: Because Texas sucks.");
quotes.push("Never go to bed angry... Stay up and fight.");
quotes.push("After all is said and done, usually more is said than done...");
quotes.push("I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that...");
quotes.push("Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of the song?");
quotes.push("Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and someone yells "Shut up!"");
quotes.push("Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun, but I have never been able to make out the numbers...");
quotes.push("A closed mouth gathers no feet...");
quotes.push("Minds, like parachutes, work only when open...");
quotes.push("The trick to flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss...");
quotes.push("Rainy days and automatic weapons always get me down...");
quotes.push("We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true...");
quotes.push("One never mentioned feature of all computers is their time-distortion field: When you are busy for 15 minutes and you look up, it's three hours later...");
quotes.push("Yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a gift. That's why it's called "The Present".");
quotes.push("I would rather live in a world where my life is surrounded by mystery than live in a world so small that my mind could comprehend it...");
quotes.push("Remember: Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there...");
quotes.push("Never mind how much you know! The important thing is what you can do with what you know...");
quotes.push("Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation. Your character is what you really are while your reputation is merely what others think you are...");
quotes.push("I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe...");
quotes.push("The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese...");
quotes.push("Sherwin Williams has a new paint color called "blonde". It's not too bright, but it spreads easily...");
quotes.push("I'm actually a perfect size 10. I just cover it with fat to keep it from getting scratched...");
quotes.push("When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it we say they are crazy...");
quotes.push("Everyone thinks I'm crazy, except for my friends deep inside the earth...");
quotes.push("Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.");
quotes.push("There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle...");
quotes.push("You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing...");
quotes.push("Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever...");
quotes.push("Your mission in life is to discover what kind of person you were created to be and to be that person. And if you don't screw things up to badly or waste too much time, you'll find there's just enough time to do that...");
quotes.push("Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared...");
quotes.push("Join the Armed Services: Visit exotic places, meet interesting people and then kill them...");
quotes.push("Just when you think you've won the rat race along come faster rats...");
quotes.push("Never play leap frog with a unicorn...");
quotes.push("Humpty Dumpty was pushed!!!");
quotes.push("The light at the end of the tunnel could just be the headlight of the oncoming train...");
quotes.push("Due to budget cuts & downsizing, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off...");
quotes.push("Next mood swing: 6 minutes...");
quotes.push("There is a theory which states that if anyone discovers exactly what the Universe if for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another which states that this has already happened...");
quotes.push("Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition...");
quotes.push("We are not human beings having a spiritual experience; We are spiritual beings having a human experience...");
quotes.push("Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty...");
quotes.push("If there are no Gods, then who pops up the next Kleenex???");
quotes.push("All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door...");
quotes.push("Isis, Isis, RA, RA, RA!!!");
quotes.push("Scientists say 1 out of every 4 people is crazy, check 3 friends, if they are ok, you're it...");
quotes.push("Beauty may be only skin deep, but ugly goes all the way to the bone...");
quotes.push("I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life???");
quotes.push("There is always death and taxes; however death doesn't get worse every year...");
quotes.push("Age doesn't always bring wisdom, sometimes age comes alone...");
quotes.push("One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 lbs...");
quotes.push("You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you...");
quotes.push("It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others...");
quotes.push("Live well, laugh often, love much...");
quotes.push("From little acorns mighty oaks do grow...");
quotes.push("From the sublime to the ridiculous is but a step...");
quotes.push("Elementary chaos theory tells us that all robots will eventually turn against their masters and run amok in an orgy of blood, and the kicking, and the biting, with the metal teeth, and the hurting, and shoving.");
document.write(quotes[(Math.floor(Math.random() * quotes.length))]);