2. Ahhhh, it’s cute.

3. Why don’t we just cuddle?

4. You know they have surgery to fix that.

5. Make it dance.

6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?

7. Wow, and your feet are so big.

8. It’s okay, we’ll work around it.

9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?

10. Oh no… I just got a flash headache.

11. (Giggling and pointing)

12. Can I be honest with you?

13. How sweet, you brought incense.

14. This explains your car.

15. Maybe if we water it, it’ll grow.

16. Why is God punishing me?

17. At least this won’t take long.

18. I never saw one like that before.

19. But it still works, right?

20. It looks so unused.

21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.

22. Why don’t we skip right to the cigarettes?

23. Are you cold?

24. If you get me real drunk first.

25. Is that an optical illusion?

26. What is that?

27. It’s a good thing you have so many other talents.

28. Does it come with an air pump?

29. So this is why you’re supposed to judge people on personality.

30. I guess this makes me the early bird.

It has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative ‘TRY SAYING’ phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

Number 1

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don’t know what the fuck you’re doing.

Number 2

TRY SAYING: She’s an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She’s a fucking bitch.

Number 3

TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?

Number 4

TRY SAYING: I’m certain that isn’t feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No fucking way.

Number 5

TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You’ve got to be shitting me!

Number 6

TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with…
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.

Number 7

TRY SAYING: I wasn’t involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It’s not my fucking problem.

Number 8

TRY SAYING: That’s interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?

Number 9

TRY SAYING: I’m not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This shit won’t work.

Number 10

TRY SAYING: I’ll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the fuck didn’t you tell me sooner?

Number 11

TRY SAYING: He’s not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He’s got his head up his ass.

Number 12

TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat shit and die.

Number 13

TRY SAYING: So you weren’t happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.

Number 14

TRY SAYING: I’m a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, I’m on salary.

Number 15

TRY SAYING: I don’t think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.

Number 16

TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This fucking job sucks.

Number 17

TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the fuck died and made you boss?

Number 18

TRY SAYING: He’s somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He’s a prick.

Thank You,
The Management

The Unanimous Declaration of the Thirteen United States of America,

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.–That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, –That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.–Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

- For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

- For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

- For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

- For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

- For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:

- For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences

- For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:

- For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

- For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Brittish brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

The 56 signatures on the Declaration appear in the positions indicated:

Column 1
Georgia:
Button Gwinnett
Lyman Hall
George Walton

Column 2
North Carolina:
William Hooper
Joseph Hewes
John Penn
South Carolina:
Edward Rutledge
Thomas Heyward, Jr.
Thomas Lynch, Jr.
Arthur Middleton

Column 3
Massachusetts:
John Hancock
Maryland:
Samuel Chase
William Paca
Thomas Stone
Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia:
George Wythe
Richard Henry Lee
Thomas Jefferson
Benjamin Harrison
Thomas Nelson, Jr.
Francis Lightfoot Lee
Carter Braxton

Column 4
Pennsylvania:
Robert Morris
Benjamin Rush
Benjamin Franklin
John Morton
George Clymer
James Smith
George Taylor
James Wilson
George Ross
Delaware:
Caesar Rodney
George Read
Thomas McKean

Column 5
New York:
William Floyd
Philip Livingston
Francis Lewis
Lewis Morris
New Jersey:
Richard Stockton
John Witherspoon
Francis Hopkinson
John Hart
Abraham Clark

Column 6
New Hampshire:
Josiah Bartlett
William Whipple
Massachusetts:
Samuel Adams
John Adams
Robert Treat Paine
Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island:
Stephen Hopkins
William Ellery
Connecticut:
Roger Sherman
Samuel Huntington
William Williams
Oliver Wolcott
New Hampshire:
Matthew Thornton

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It’s done, and boy are we tired… Already took a pain reliever for the aches/pains I’m feeling in my lower back. (getting old sucks… *sighs*) It took us approximately 4-5 hours to get this all done, with a few sanity breaks here, and there. We definitely went for over kill on the screws holding the TV mount to the wall, 10 total, but better safe than sorry. lol. Now we can actually watch all the HD channels Fios offers, and I have to say that HD is breathtaking. It was well worth the effort.

The domino effect is in full swing as well… I just bought the last thing I thought I’d be buying: a Blu-ray disc player. The one I bought also plays regular DVDs, and does a 1080p Up-Conversion to them, so they’re higher definition. Nice not to have yet another media format become obsolete, and unplayable, for a change.

So bask in the glory of our magnificent flat screen TV… I’m going to make myself a few margaritas.

Well, we’re all ready for tomorrow’s big weekend project… The installation of our new Sanyo 46" LCD 1080p HDTV!!!

This is the first flat screen TV we’ve ever owned. At first, the prices were much too high to really consider getting one, since if I was going to be spending thousands on something like that it would probably be on a new computer instead. lol. When the prices finally became reasonable there was always something else we wanted to buy more, so it kept getting put off. I’m actually glad we waited so long to get one because the decently priced flat screen TVs are pretty damned big now. Our old TV is just a 27" JVC standard TV, so the 46" flat screen is going to blow our minds. (Hopefully not literally…)

We’ll be mounting it directly on the wall, and have purchased a much lower, and a tad longer entertainment center for it, which we assembled last night. I’ve already got my many CD racks lined along the top, with the center channel on them in the middle, and will just have to transfer the stereo components to it tomorrow. My Bose 301 speakers will also be mounted on the wall, on either side of the TV, and off the floor stands they’re currently on. *deep breath* So All my ducks are in a row… We’ll just now need some good luck soo that everything goes smoothly.

PS: I’ll post some pictures of it when we finish, so that you can bask in the glory of the magnificent 46" flat screen too.

Last weekend we finally replaced the ancient over the stove microwave with a new one we bought for that purpose a few years ago. It is so nice not to have a caveman microwave anymore.

This weekend we’ll have shitloads of fun mounting the new Sanyo 46″ HDTV we just bought to a wall in the livingroom, and putting together the entertainment center we bought for it.

Pookey is really hating this urge of mine to do the projects we’ve put off for far too long… Don’t worry, it shouldn’t last forever. You hope.

Created by The Oatmeal

www.cathousesystem.com

www.annathomasmusic.com

Well… I am finally getting my much longed for KitchenAid Professional 600 Series 6-Quart Stand Mixer!!! I currently have an old Sunbeam Stand Mixer that I’ve had for about 20 years, which I’ve had to remove from its stand, and use a larger mixing bowl, to make my yummy homemade cookies. It’s been such a major pain in the ass that I haven’t been making them as often as Pookey, or Morgan, would like. Soon that won’t be an issue any longer. *happy smile*

Actually the forth kitten was a double shock to me… He’s the spitting image of Tibee, my beloved cat I lost at the end of last year. So I’m very thankful I was able to capture ALL of them, and those sweet babies will be saved from ending up feral like their mother, and their two year-old half brothers. Thankfully she’s my only female feral, and, yes, I really, really, really need to borrow a trap from Kittico, and get her spayed soon.

There were three males, and one female, and they’re all doing wonderfully… They were socialized within a few days, and now love to sleep on me while I lounge on the couch. Oh, get this, Pookey says I won’t officially be a crazy cat lady until I have at least 20 cats… *pouts*

Via

This is supposed to be an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It’s PC Magazine’s 2007 editors’ choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.