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May 29, 2011, Ash, Humor,

"Peoples’ Choice Award" is America’s greatest honor. Styrofoam is not made from kittens. The U.F.O. was a paper plate. The nerds on the internet are not geeks. The word "cheese" is not funny in and of itself. The older Flanders boy is Todd, not Rod. Lyndon Johnson did not provide the voice of Yosemite Sam. If you are reading this you have no life. Roy Rogers was not buried inside his horse. The other U.F.O. was an upside down salad spinner. Our universities are not "hotbeds" of anything. Mr. Dershowitz did not literally have four eyes. Our viewers are not pathetic, sexless food tubes. Audrey Hepburn never weighed 400 pounds. The "Cheers" gang is not a real gang. Salt water does not chase the "thirsties" away. Licking an electrical outlet does not turn you into a Mighty Morphin Power Ranger. Cats do not eventually turn into dogs. Bullets do not bounce off of fat boys. Recycling does not deplete the ozone. Everything is 10% fruit juice. The flesh eating virus does not hide in ice cream. Janet Reno is evil. V8 juice is not 1/8 gasoline. Ted Koppel is a robot. Women aren’t from Venus and men aren’t from Mars. Fleiss does floss. Quayle is familiar with common bathroom procedures. Bart is bad to the bone. Godfry Jones’ wife is cheating on him. The Beatles haven’t reunited to enter kick boxing competitions. The "Bug" on your TV screen can see into your home. Everyone on TV is better than you. The people who are writing this have no life.

Via

humor, sober in a nightclub, the simpsons

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