Archive for July, 2005

Pookey & I just finished watching the DVD Prozac Nation that we rented from Netfix. I really liked it, and having suffered (such an apt word!) from clinical depression since 1996 I know all too well what Elizabeth Wurtzel (who wrote the book the movie is based on) went through. My depression initially stemmed from my unhappiness with my job (a loooooooooong story), and events near the end of my employment there helped to push me over the edge into major depression.

It’s very difficult to have a medical condition where, except for the way you feel inside, you appear fine… There are no physical indications that identify someone as having depression, and that’s one thing I found very frustrating in the beginning. Here I was so very sick, but I looked well. It would have been so much easier if there had been any outward sign of my growing depression. Then maybe it would have been diagnosed, and treated, that much sooner.

It doesn’t help that depression usually disguises itself as other medical conditions such as headaches, insomnia, fatigue, weight gain/loss, tension, irritability or any number of other medical difficulties. Unfortunately, there’s no definitive medical tests for depression (unlike the majority of other conditions/diseases) and this in itself is one of the reasons it takes so long for doctors to diagnose it.

Depression also comes on gradually, so before you know it you’ve been overwhelmed by it, and are unable to rise above the pit of despondency you find yourself in. People with depression can’t, not won’t, help themselves; it’s that crippling. It took Pookey quite a while to fully understand what clinical depression really was, and longer until he realized how truly helpless it made me.

One thing that really ticks me off is people who say "just snap out of it", or other absurd statements, as if you have a choice whether you are clinically depressed, or not. It’s not that simple, I wish it was, and by hiding your head in the sand about a loved one’s depression your life, as you now know it, could be irrevocable changed forever by your denial. I know that people who have never been affected by depression have a hard time wrapping their minds around the whole concept, but even though you can’t fully comprehend it doesn’t make it fake, or unreal. It’s all too real, and without the support network a person with depression needs it can turn into a genuine nightmare for everyone involved.

Unlike Tom Cruise (who is entitled to his own opinion, though I don’t agree with it), I believe that medication is absolutely essential for people with any mental disorder that cannot be managed without it. Especially the types of conditions where you can easily loose touch with reality, and possibly harm yourself, or someone else. If you don’t agree with the previous statements take a good look at the Andrea Yates case. I hold Andrea’s physician, Dr. Saeed, personally responsible for the events that took place on June, 20th, 2001, because if she had been receiving the medication/treatment that she so desperately needed those innocent children would be alive today.

It’s unfortunate that women receive such poor medical treatment for mental illnesses, since we experience them about twice as often as men. I have no doubt that hormones are a major contributing factor to this, considering a woman’s body is exposed to a constant bombardment of hormonal fluctuations. My theory for this inferior treatment is that doctors (especially the male ones) chalk up any mental disorder women have to "female problems", throw a quick prescription at us, and leave it at that. Then when something like the Yates tragedy occurs they act all shocked, like there was never a possibility that something like that could have ever happened, and yet these tragic cases never make them rethink their treatment of their female patients with the same types of problems. Sad.

Thankfully, my depression has never had any psychotic features (though sometimes Pookey would beg to differ *lol*) in it, just the usual depressive ones, and for a few weeks after Morgan’s birth I was actually happier than I had been in years, but the bullshit my employer pulled during that time made sure that my happiness did not last. *sigh* In the past I have tried all kinds of SSRIs… Prozac, Zoloft, Effexor & Paxil, and at this point in my life I’m not at all impressed with any of them. I am currently taking Wellbutrin, and BuSpar, for my depression, and even though it doesn’t totally alleviate my depression, it’s a hell of a lot better than being unmedicated. Treating depression is a lot like looking for a black cat in a dark room while blindfolded, but much more frustrating.

All too often people in this world try to sweep mental illnesses under the rug, and this should never be the way we deal with such a serious problem. Problems never go away when you ignore them. They only get worse and end up blowing up in your face. Remember: Mental disorders do not just affect the person suffering from it; it affects us all.