Pookey & I just finished watching the DVD Prozac Nation that we rented from Netfix. I really liked it, and having suffered (such an apt word!) from clinical depression since 1996 I know all too well what Elizabeth Wurtzel (who wrote the book the movie is based on) went through. My depression initially stemmed from my unhappiness with my job (a loooooooooong story), and events near the end of my employment there helped to push me over the edge into major depression.

It’s very difficult to have a medical condition where, except for the way you feel inside, you appear fine… There are no physical indications that identify someone as having depression, and that’s one thing I found very frustrating in the beginning. Here I was so very sick, but I looked well. It would have been so much easier if there had been any outward sign of my growing depression. Then maybe it would have been diagnosed, and treated, that much sooner.

It doesn’t help that depression usually disguises itself as other medical conditions such as headaches, insomnia, fatigue, weight gain/loss, tension, irritability or any number of other medical difficulties. Unfortunately, there’s no definitive medical tests for depression (unlike the majority of other conditions/diseases) and this in itself is one of the reasons it takes so long for doctors to diagnose it.

Depression also comes on gradually, so before you know it you’ve been overwhelmed by it, and are unable to rise above the pit of despondency you find yourself in. People with depression can’t, not won’t, help themselves; it’s that crippling. It took Pookey quite a while to fully understand what clinical depression really was, and longer until he realized how truly helpless it made me.

One thing that really ticks me off is people who say "just snap out of it", or other absurd statements, as if you have a choice whether you are clinically depressed, or not. It’s not that simple, I wish it was, and by hiding your head in the sand about a loved one’s depression your life, as you now know it, could be irrevocable changed forever by your denial. I know that people who have never been affected by depression have a hard time wrapping their minds around the whole concept, but even though you can’t fully comprehend it doesn’t make it fake, or unreal. It’s all too real, and without the support network a person with depression needs it can turn into a genuine nightmare for everyone involved.

Unlike Tom Cruise (who is entitled to his own opinion, though I don’t agree with it), I believe that medication is absolutely essential for people with any mental disorder that cannot be managed without it. Especially the types of conditions where you can easily loose touch with reality, and possibly harm yourself, or someone else. If you don’t agree with the previous statements take a good look at the Andrea Yates case. I hold Andrea’s physician, Dr. Saeed, personally responsible for the events that took place on June, 20th, 2001, because if she had been receiving the medication/treatment that she so desperately needed those innocent children would be alive today.

It’s unfortunate that women receive such poor medical treatment for mental illnesses, since we experience them about twice as often as men. I have no doubt that hormones are a major contributing factor to this, considering a woman’s body is exposed to a constant bombardment of hormonal fluctuations. My theory for this inferior treatment is that doctors (especially the male ones) chalk up any mental disorder women have to "female problems", throw a quick prescription at us, and leave it at that. Then when something like the Yates tragedy occurs they act all shocked, like there was never a possibility that something like that could have ever happened, and yet these tragic cases never make them rethink their treatment of their female patients with the same types of problems. Sad.

Thankfully, my depression has never had any psychotic features (though sometimes Pookey would beg to differ *lol*) in it, just the usual depressive ones, and for a few weeks after Morgan’s birth I was actually happier than I had been in years, but the bullshit my employer pulled during that time made sure that my happiness did not last. *sigh* In the past I have tried all kinds of SSRIs… Prozac, Zoloft, Effexor & Paxil, and at this point in my life I’m not at all impressed with any of them. I am currently taking Wellbutrin, and BuSpar, for my depression, and even though it doesn’t totally alleviate my depression, it’s a hell of a lot better than being unmedicated. Treating depression is a lot like looking for a black cat in a dark room while blindfolded, but much more frustrating.

All too often people in this world try to sweep mental illnesses under the rug, and this should never be the way we deal with such a serious problem. Problems never go away when you ignore them. They only get worse and end up blowing up in your face. Remember: Mental disorders do not just affect the person suffering from it; it affects us all.

Well… I’m done reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince! It took me about 30 hours (with breaks for sleep, food, taking care of Morgan, etc.) to read the whole book from cover to cover, and all I can say is: "Wow!!!" Yet again J.K. Rowling has written another fabulous book, and now I can’t wait for the next one (supposedly the last) to come out. I think she did a really great job moving forward the story line, and developing/evolving all the characters. I can honestly say that I’m not at all disappointed with what happened in this book, and as I said above, I can’t wait for the next one to come out so I can see how everything ends. Though I do hope that if she finds that she cannot end the story satisfactorily in the (supposedly) last book that she’ll put out an 8th book instead of trying to cram it all into the 7th book, as it would ultimately end up hurting the entire story if she did so. I’ve experienced my fair share of authors trying to box themselves into a set number of books, and then they end up screwing everything up by condensing what was never meant to be condensed in the first place. Let’s not go there!!!

I’ve seen people posting various complaints about the book on the internet, bitching about every single aspect of the story, and all I have to say to them is: "If you don’t like it, then why don’t you go ahead and write your own international best selling series yourself! No? Then, shut the hell up!"

That’s all I’m going to say about the book for now, so don’t worry that there will be any spoilers in this post. If you’re looking for some, you should be able to easily find them elsewhere on the internet.

I did run into some problems obtaining my book… I ordered it via amazon.com, and they guaranteed that I would receive my copy before 7 pm on Saturday, or they would give it to you for free. Unfortunately, I didn’t receive it on Saturday, so they ended up having to issue me a refund. It was sheer torture to shop at Walmart on Sunday, and have to walk by the big display of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince books, knowing that I couldn’t buy one because I was waiting for my missing copy to arrive. It turned out that even though it started out being shipped via UPS, it was transferred to the USPS for the actual delivery, and they were somehow (who knows why! I certainly can’t figure it out!) unable to deliver it to me on Saturday. On Monday evening, Pookey found one of those “sorry we missed you” cards in our mailbox informing us that we had to go pick up the book at the post office. *sigh* Pookey got some major brownie points by going to pick the book up during his lunchtime on Tuesday, and bringing it straight home so I could finally start reading it. Pure bliss!

So, needless to say, Pookey & Morgan rarely saw me without my nose in the book the rest of Tuesday, and into Wednesday evening when I finished it. ! Now, I just have to decide whether I’m going to read it a second time before Pookey get his first chance to read it, or after.

With the latest terror bombings we are once again reminded that there are some truly evil people in this world. Ones that seem to think that harming & killing innocent people is an acceptable way to achieve their aims. Terrorism should never be tolerated, or excused, in any way by society… By publicly condemning these hateful acts, society shows that we will never put up with this sort of behavior. The whole of society needs to do everything it can to bring these evildoers to justice, and impose on them the consequences of their monstrous crimes.

In my opinion, terrorists deserves nothing less than a death sentence. They should also be glad that we don’t execute them in the manner that they killed their victims in. Even though the darker side of human nature feels that this is what they deserve, the less we sully our souls while dealing with these evil bastards the better off we will be. There are things, in my book, that deserve a death sentence, and killing innocent people with malice & forethought is one of them.

Though, when I hear Muslims all over the world are up in arms about how the world is lumping them together with these terrorists, but they never seem to denounce or help in capturing these evil bastards, it makes me question their protestations. In the first place, why do they even tolerate these people living among them instead of turning them in, and allow them to go about their merry way while they concoct their wicked plans to kill innocent people? They must know, or suspect, who these radical fanatics are; yet they do nothing about it. Why? If Muslims want people to stop blaming all of them for the acts of a few religious zealots, then they need to start putting their own house in order, throw these evildoers out, and turn them over to the local authorities.

The bottom line is: Terrorism is never justified. If you have to cross the line from nonviolence to violence for any cause, you need to start questioning what your cause’s genuine objectives are, as they cannot be "good" because nothing about inflicting harm on someone else can ever be ethical. The ends do not justify the means. Ever.