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This site may be hazardous to the sensibilities of close-minded people. Unless you're willing to open your mind, stop now and turn back. If all you seek confirmation of what you think, follow the little red guy and enjoy yourself. To everyone else, be welcome here and read the fine print before continuing...
No Proselytising

No one was harmed during the creation of this web site. No trees died in the making of this web site. Tag should only be removed by consumer. 100% recycled electrons only. Any offenses taken are unintentional and are not the responsibility of the webmasters. Sealed for your protection. This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental. Equal opportunity employer -- Centaurs welcome. Void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted. Some assembly required. A slight burning sensation may occur. The best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom. Do not mix with water. Not a sugar substitute. List each check separately by bank number. Not meant to be used internally. Fasten your seatbelt. Wear your rubbers. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not read while operating a motor vehicle, or heavy equipment. May cause grogginess. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. See store manager for further details. Terms are subject to change without notice. Illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail. Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law. Hand wash only. Tumble dry on low heat. No substitutions allowed. For a limited time only. Caveat emptor. This disclaimer is provided as is without any warranties. Reader assumes full responsibility. No shoes, no shirt, no service. Quantities are limited while supplies last. If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. Read at your own risk. Parental advisory - explicit lyrics. Text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable. Parental guidance is advised. Keep away from sunlight. Limit one-per-family please. No money down. You need not be present to win. Instructions are included. Action figures sold separately. No preservatives added. Safety goggles may be required during use. Do not read if safety seal is broken. Not liable for damages arising from use or misuse. For external use only. If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue reading. Read only with proper ventilation. Avoid extreme temperatures, and store in a cool dry place. Keep away from open flame. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees fahrenheit. Do not place near a magnetic source. Smoking this disclaimer could be hazardous to your health. No salt, msg, artificial color, or flavoring added. If ingested do not induce vomiting, and call poison control immediately. This disclaimer is ribbed for your pleasure. Offer valid only at participating disclaimers. Allow four to six weeks for delivery. Must be 18 years, or older, to read. Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes, and other acts of the gods. Neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to: arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of x-rays, alpha, beta and gamma rays, knives, stones, etc). Other restrictions may apply. For official use only. No solicitors. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, Keep away from pets, and small children. No forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use, $300. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. For office use only. Beware of falling rocks. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your canceled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with eyes, and skin, and avoid inhaling fumes. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in a well-ventilated area. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No alcohol, dogs or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free number before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Unix is a registered trademark of AT&T. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. Package sold by weight, not volume. Your mileage may vary. A cubic zirconia is just like a diamond. Misuse by deliberately concentrating and inhaling contents may be harmful or fatal. Don't forget your towel. This supersedes all previous notices. All rites reserved. This disclaimer may not be copied without the express written consent of whomever I stole it from.

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This page was created on May 27, 1997.

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